So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I did not marry a roomba.
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