i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
