I'm so fucking centered right now
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
