we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
