I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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