I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
