I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
