Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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