he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
