Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Enjoy the penises
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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