What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
