oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
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Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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