I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
