when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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