My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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