i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
