We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
