I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
