yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
