Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
