She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize