I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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