I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
