Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
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how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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