Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
