She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
