I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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