fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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