Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
