Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
