I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
