having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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