I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
