You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
