there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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