I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
