No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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