Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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