He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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