He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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