need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
