Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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