Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize