Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
