Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
