I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
