did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
