The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
