the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..