when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.