these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.