If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?