there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.