How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
