How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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