It's Friday. Sex?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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