my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
