Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize