47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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