You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
