I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
