need another drink. this is the easiest way
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
