she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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