I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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