His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she looked like the before picture.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
