is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
