Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
