I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize