Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
