I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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