I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
