Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just made out with a guy for $7.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
