I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
